Grief During the Holidays: How to Cope

Allow yourself not to feel joyful

You are not obliged to be cheerful like everyone else. You can mark the day more quietly, in a different way, or skip some traditions entirely this year.

Make room for remembrance

Set out his photo at the table, light a candle, raise a toast in his honor. Bringing memory into the celebration is easier than pretending nothing happened.

Be with people who understand

Spend the holiday with those who don't ask you to keep it together and let you be yourself. The support of loved ones softens the pain.

Decide in advance what you can manage

Before the holiday, think about what you are ready to take part in and what you will pass on, and let your loved ones know. Having an exit plan (leaving early, taking some quiet time) is not a whim but a form of self-care. The first holiday is the hardest; it gets easier after that.

• You don't have to feel joyful like everyone else.
• Make room for remembrance in the celebration.
• Be among people who understand.
• Decide in advance what you can manage.